Just Married

[edhardy27]

Just Married
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened..[url=http://www.christian-louboutin-boots-sale.com/christian-louboutin/christian-louboutin-kid-suede-monica-boot]Christian louboutin Kid Suede monica boot[/url]
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.but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.

"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs."

"That must have hurt," said the judge.

"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."

[edhardy27]

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Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

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"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

[edhardy27]

c) If taken outside, you should take every opportunity to scarf down as much grass as possible (while not being spotted). After ingesting a "critical mass" amount, whine and scratch at the door to be let back in the house. After entering the house head for the traditional illness locations and let it rip.

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choose a location where the human's bare foot is likely to find it. They don't see very well in the morning and need assistance in locating the mess. If the human has neglected you by leaving (see Mornings), cover the fruits of your labours with whatever is handy, such as papers from the desk. That way you can soil another object besides the carpet.

[edhardy27]

Who to Marry

Posted on June 26, 2008
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There was a man who was seeing girlfriends, but did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $2000 and see how each of them spent it.The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, and tells the man, “I spent the money to look pretty for you because I love you so much.”

The second one went out and bought new cell phone, a ipod, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, “I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much.” The third one takes the $2000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $2000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, “I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much.”The man thought long and hard about how the women spent the money.Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

[edhardy27]

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The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!

[edhardy27]

There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory. The city company was losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the fire department that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze and he would give 10,000 dollars to the department that got the formula.[b][url=http://www.nfljersey.us/basketball-chicago-bulls-c-450_454.html]Chicago Bulls[/url][/b]
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An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was put out. When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars. Suddenly a small town department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula. When asked what they would do with the money one said "Get them damn brakes fixed we figure."

[edhardy27]

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a new bellringer would need to be appointed. The Bishop decided that he would himself conduct the interviews, and went up into the belfry to interview the candidates. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him announcing that he was there to apply for the post. The Bishop declared,

[ghij518]

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
-- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
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"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods

[sunday27]

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If video footage exists of the Colorado Avalanche management’s war room through the first two days of the [color=#800080]NHL[/color]’s free agency period, I’m sure it looks something like this . [url=http://www.nfljersey-supply.com/][color=#ffffff][b]NHL jerseys[/b][/color][/url]
With almost $25 million in salary cap space , the Avalanche were dormant through the free agent rush that was July 1, and did equally as little as teams fought over scraps on July 2.
Straight from the horse’s mouth, the message to fans is loud and clear: we are building from within .
Some interpret this as a cop-out so the seemingly disinterested owner can put his money in more lucrative investments ; others feel the decision is a breath of fresh air, at ease knowing the current management will not make the same blunders past management was guilty of committing.
Even by doing nothing, the 2011 Colorado Avalanche should be superior to its predecessor, as losing slow, overpaid players such as Darcy Tucker, Ruslan Salei, Chris Durno, and Brett Clark to free agency can be seen as addition by subtraction.
The trade for depth player Daniel Winnik will also add some speed to what was a very slow fourth line in 2010, largely because of Durno and Tucker.
But will riding the wave be enough to be successful next season after division rivals Minnesota, Edmonton, Calgary, and Vancouver have all made significant additions to their rosters?
The common fear among fans is that the 2011 Avalanche will fade like the St. Louis Blues and Columbus Blue Jackets, both up-and-coming teams in 2009 who did almost nothing the following offseason, and subsequently fell flat on their faces in 2010.
It’s a valid fear; there are obvious flaws with the current team that have yet to be addressed, in addition to the fact that the 2010 version barely squeaked into the playoffs after a deplorable 3-7-3 record from March 17 to the end of the season.
So, what could the Avalanche have done differently so far this off-season to avoid these prophecies of doom?
Sergei Gonchar, arguably the best defenseman available, is too old at age 36 to be considered anything but a short-term option for the young Avalanche, which isn’t worth it if the price of admission is $16.5 million spread out over three years. [url=http://www.nfljersey-supply.com/][color=#ffffff][b]youth NFL jerseys[/b][/color][/url]
The same goes for “offensive” defenseman Paul Martin who, despite never reaching the 40-point plateau and only playing in 22 games this past season , was able to haggle his way to a five-year, $25 million contract.
Zbynek Michalek would have been nice , but he’s a strictly defensive blue-liner—a guy who should be locked up for the next half decade at $4 million per season?
Left wing is another position the Avalanche are thin at. Big fish Ilya Kovalchuk remains available, but amidst rumors of a blockbuster offer from the New York Islanders , it’s no shock many teams chose not to pursue the superstar forward.[url=http://www.ujordanshoes.com/][color=#ffffff][b]jordan shoes[/b][/color][/url]
Of the remaining players who would fill a need for next season, most are either old , coming off of a bad season , coming off of an injury-filled season , or just flat-out awful .
Teams like the Pittsburgh Penguins or New Jersey Devils can afford to slightly overpay players like Paul Martin or Henrik Tallinder because they feel they’re close to the Stanley Cup.
These teams realize their window of opportunity is closing (Devils) or they have so much star talent that it would be illogical to wait around for prospects to fill supporting roles when they have the cap space to do otherwise (Penguins). [url=http://www.girlshoesstore.com/][color=#ffffff][b]louboutin shoes[/b][/color][/url]
For Colorado, it’s slow and steady wins the race. Feeling they are rebuilding, there’s no purpose in signing a player to a salary they feel is too high, especially when the team’s biggest need is largely covered by its prospect pool .
That’s not to say the Avalanche won’t look outside of the organization in the coming weeks, but so they won’t break the bank doing it. [url=http://www.miniedhardy.com/][color=#ffffff][b]ed hardy clothing[/b][/color][/url]
So simmer down, Avalanche faithful. The world is not ending because the Avalanche didn’t sign Toni Lydman .